693-08JM

Jasontae Miracle Da Silva
This is my Godson who just has passed. God rest his soul. He will always be in my mind and in my heart. I just really wish that I had the capability to help him. But I know that he is in good hands God, Vovo and his great great great grandfather.

Jayden Matthew Goncalves
This is my first godson Jayden. He is my very first Godson and I am extremely greatful to have a godchild to share my love with since I have no kids of my own. I am extremely greatful that I have someone that I can love and cherish.

**However I love them both the same.**

//__**Jacquelina Monteiro **__//

__**//My Mini-Action Research Plan//**__

This past weekend has been very hurtful and painful since I had no choice but to face a family tragedy that I would have not expected to deal with at the age of twenty-five**.** I had to bury my godson, my newphew. My twin sister Angelina lost her baby, he was alive for about 32 hours and then god decided he was going to take him. I had no choice but to create an Action Plan in my mind. I had to put aside my pain, my hurt, my feelings and help my sister with her tragedy. Even though I could not bare the fact that I was going to bury my newphew, I kept on thinking about my sister who was about to bury her son.

I had to keep my composure, I had to show her and her fiance support and that I could handle some of the arrangments while our other sister Elizabeth handled the other arrangments. However when I came home after being in the hospital for a few days. I absolutley lost it. Till this day I have a hard time with dealing with my lost. I buried one godson, and had to celebrate my other godson's birthday all in the same day.

Unfortunally with every tragedy there is a lesson to be learned. I learned that I have to make adjustments for each difficulties that come my way. I will never be able to see my godson again, never be able to play with him and even though he is not here anymore, I will never love him any less. I will just miss him more and more each day. But I know that from this point on who are the indivduals that I can rely on and those who I can't. It hurts alot because those who you expect to be there are not and those who are there you never expected to be there but they are the ones that will never leave your side.

 __Actual Action Research Plan__

My action research plan has changed alot from the beginning when I started brainstorming with various ideas. In the beginning, I consintrated on the fact that I want to be happy with my job. My job I love, I have fun, make great money and enjoy myself in the process. But I want a career so bad, it's hard for me to be happy internally and with everything else in my life because the money is great at this current job that I am putting money in front of my happiness. That is not good because in the outside I look happy but deep down inside I know that happiness is missing in certain areas. But before I get carught up on the fact that I want to start my career so badly I needed to take care of some things that when I start my career thatfocusing on that and that career only is what I would want to do.

I have done a lot of brainstorming about my Actual Action Plan and understood that there was a few more steps that I must take before trying to reach my ultimate goal of searching for career. In my option I have been extremely organized in the past. I have planned my own wedding from the beginning to the end. I called all the vendors, set up all the oppointments between the braidsmaids and groomsmen and all the mini functions in between. I have also planned my nieces babyshower including the decorations, party favors and the inventations Ultimaltey I would love to be an event planner. However the last few years, my consintartion has been focused on the fact of getting money and paying the bills. Adulthood is not that easy as people make it seem. Over the last few years I have lost the patienced and the time organozation skills. In order for me to give a hundred percent into my attended career i have to manage my time managment and organization skills.

I started with the cycle of what my ultimate career goal reaching and that is methods of trying to find a great career job that would forfill my happiness. I jotted down some of the information and details that I would have to look at to follow the procedures of finding and following through with the ideal career search. In the past I have started several applications and interviews yet my life gets so complicated that I always put the job search on hold in order to deal with the issues that are occuring in my life at that time. I was not completely satified with the steps besides I know myself better than anyone else and following through with all the steps that were going to get an idea of the career search in process.

Developmenting the mini cycles and seeing how the many cycles turn into one. There were vcertain areas that I have developed first, my negatives were my family faults and issues. I love my family, it's huge and they have many problems that needs to be faced and when people ask me for advice or help I just don't have the heart to tell them no. Therefore I don't I find everyway to be there because if soemthing bad was to happen I would never forgive myself for not spending and doing as much as I could for that indivdual. I am so glad that I did because this past month I lost two of those indivduals, not that it's made my life any easier but I know that I did the best that I could considering the time that I have left with this indivduals.

AFter meeting with Peter and realizing that I should be taking advantage of what my family has to offer me and what they have in store. I always said that I have a big family for when I get put in a tough situation like I am in now then that is when I should be able to use my family as resources. And that is exactly what I am doing, I am finding relyable resources in my family and use my confisuions and hard life styles and expecting them to help. Unfortunally with my family mishave this past month many good has came out of that and that is that I got closer to the family members that I wanted to get closer with and furthur away from the others that I really needed to stay away from. It's hard to expect that bad stuff has to happen before realizing the way life plays into factor but hey if that is what I have to do then that is what I have to do. With having the discussion with Peter I knew that I had to expect the way that life it's going to take it's course and even though I like doing everything for myself I have understand that I can't handle everything at every time.

My life has been very hetic and it seems like every weekend that I face this mini action plan that will hopefully lead to a big action plan in the future. However I really feel that surley it is just a matter of time that I am going to have a nervous break down and I will not be able to get myslef out of it which is very unlike me. But hey if this is what I have to do in a time of need and that is exactly where I am currently. I feel that the more I get older the more issues I come across and it becomes harder and harder to face.

On a day to day basis I deal with my father and his divorce and now my apartment is being jeoragoized. My whole life is so katoic and now my whole life is going to get rearranged and I don't know what to deal with but some way or another I will have to find ways to make it work. It's just the story of my life right now but I'll have to make it work. I have n choice life is just very hard and it just gets harder as the time goes by. Currently my action research plan has taken a toll toward a different direction and that direction is leaning toward relieving the many stress I my life. //However I am finding many different ways to make my life much better than what is now and if that means that I have to tackle every aspect of my life to make it much better than what it is now. I have come a long way and many things has come into my life and manage the best way that I can. I have always grew up much earlier than what my time has allowed me to do but hey I have done the best that I could with given the things of what I am capable of I know that I am going to make it. I am taking better tacics about what methods and ways that will suit my life the best and hopefully the support that I currently have now will continue from my friends and family.

I hold a lot of things very close at heart and the death of my godson did not help with my situation at all. I feel this empty feeling inside because I always told myself that I was going to be the best godmother that could ever be. Now something stands in my way and God took my place of protecting my twin sister's son. I will always remember him and I will always cherish his very existance. He has made me value and hold a higher pride of godmothership.

April 27th Today was my cousin's Jason's babyshower and it was beautiful, simple, ad very nice. But I did start to get emotional because I was suppose to be plaaning my sister's babyshower and I was never able to. I managed to strug my shoulders and hold my emotions in and deal with the rest of the day. It was nice to see my family there and that was extremely comforting. As time goes by I know that I am going to learn how to mange my emotional feelings about losing my godso. He was so cute and tiny yet there were many characteristics that resembled me and my twin sister Angie. Those are the memories that I need to cherish and value. Hopefully there will be a second time for my sister to have a child.

God take care of my godson.//